Love Thy Spouse

When you should see a Marriage Counselor

2008-05-19T13:55:00.001-07:00

When is it time to see a Marriage Counselor?

I had listed 4 couples' stories which are true.

Couple No. 1 had been together for 10 over years now and they tend to deal with their problems differently. Whenever they have a tiff, the wife would just go to the mall or play bridge with her friends and the husband would either watch TV or would take the car and just drive away for a few hours. Later in the day, they would just go on as if nothing ever happen. Not once in their married years had they ever sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship."

Couple No. 2 had been together for close to 5 years now. The husband is a financial trader and the wife is a corporate lawyer. Due to the nature of his job, the husband frequently travels and whenever he is at home, his wife is busy handling/ researching for a court case. Shocking fact, they had not made love for close to 3.5 years now. (Remember, they were married close to 4 years now)

Couple No. 3 had been together for close to 7 years now. The husband has his own business fixing computers and the wife does sales. They think that a little harmless flirting is ok and would do no harm so long as they don't sleep around. He flirts with his female customers so as to gain their loyalty, she flirts with her clients to strike deals. All were fine and they carried on with their "Harmless Flirting" till one day, he saw her at a club with her clients. She was sitting so close to one of her clients that any closer she will be on his lap (He still thinks that she was sitting on his lap which she denies). They talked things through and found out that they did not like each other flirting at all. They just did not want to tell each other so as to avoid having a tiff

Couple no. 4 had been together for close to 8-9 years now (Sorry, could not remember)
The wife had an affair years back and deeply regreted her actions and husband forgave her and they are still together. Both love each other deeply. However, ever since her affair, the husband took up smoking and drinking as a habit. His attitude changed towards her and demands to know where she is at all times and this has been happening for 2 years until she could not take it anymore.

Needless to say, each couple is slowly but surely managing their issues with each other through a counselor.

There are times when you can't understand teh problems you are encoutering, it is always good to seek professional help.

I would recommend reading "1000 Questions For Couples" (Click on the link)All of these questions will help you to really know the thoughts, feelings and desires of the one you are with. After going through these questions, you will really know the things your sweetheart is passionate about. You will also discover what irritates them.

How to save your marriage

2008-05-19T12:54:00.000-07:00

Marriages are difficult. Even the best of relationships can reach a place that requires a little bit of TLC. You should remember that there are many different reasons that your relationship might need mending, so the way to repairing the relationship may be unique to those circumstances. But following is a list of five simple steps that you can take to start mending your broken marriage today.

Acknowledgement. This means that you and your spouse sit down and have an honest conversation admitting that there is a problem with the marriage and it is time to fix it. Next, be truthful towards each other and the both of you have to sincerely want to solve the problem.
Many marriages end mainly because only one person wants to repair it.

The Blaming Game. Stop blaming one another. Mending your marriage isn't about "winning". Many married couples always insists that it is his fault, why can't he just listen to me, She doesn't understand me at all. In marriage, it takes 2 hands to clap and always bear in mind that it isn't about who did things right and who did them wrong. Mistakes were made, sit down and discuss on the matter clearly and amicably.

List. Start listing down what you want changed in your spouse. List down your likes and dislikes of your spouse. Figure out what needs to be different before the both of you can have a happy marriage again.

Research- Constantly look for ways to save your marriage. Seek materials which can help you in your marriage. If need be, go to a marriage counselor for advise. Else, get good reading materials that helps you in your marriage

The one book that I would recommend is "Save Your Marriage" (Click on the link) I bought it and it does produce good materials that you can use for your marriage.

10 Romantic Things to do

2008-05-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

There was a time when you used to do many things together before you got married and now basically you just watch TV with your spouse and get to bed. Married life has become a boring routine for some. Wake up- Shower- Go to work-come back from work- watch TV- Play with Kids- Sleep. Does that sound familar?

You need to start getting romantic again!!

(1) Dine Out- Go to a restaurant with a romantic atmosphere and just start talking and having fun. Avoid topics like Kids, Work and start having fun conversations like recent movies, relatives and etc.

(2) Email Poetry- Email to your spouse romantic poems. You know what will be good? If you can at least compose a poem by yourself. Try doing it now

(3) Go to picnics at least once a month if you are too busy. Grab a bottle of wine, sandwiches, fruits and if either of you play the guitar then start to sing together. Else, bring board games and please leave your laptops and blackberries at home.

(4) Musical- Hey, when is the last time you actually seen a musical play together? Check out the reviews of the play and if it is romantic and good, why not go for it?

(5) Breakfast in Bed- Now this would be great. I mean it is nothing like having your Spouse making breakfast and bringing it to you while you are asleep.

(6) Youtube- You know the internet is being used for many things nowadays. Make a video together telling the world literally how much you love each other. Alternatively, you can just declare your love for your spouse and post it in Youtube or google videos and surprise your spouse.

(7) Project- DO a project together. My example- This blog is a project done by my husband and I. Another one of our project is a private counselling session which we conduct. Find things to do together- be creative.

(8) Art- Get a picture drawn together by a good artiste. Strike a romantic post and get your picture drawn.

(9) Home Alone- Rent romantic movies, Get wine or your favorite beverage and make passionate love afterwards

(10) Re-take your Marriage Vows- IF you had been married for years now you might want to consider taking your marriage vows again. It would be such a romantic gesture.

There are literally dozens more you can do besides this list. Get started now!!

Respect, Trust and Have Fun

2008-05-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

Every couple can and should have a good and loving marriage, by applying a few set of rules. You will not only build a better marriage, but a happier loving family.

Respect- In all events, at all times you have to respect your Spouse. Respect for each other means that you will make decisions together, never call each other names, and especially NEVER threaten to divorce one another even if it is in a fit of anger. Lets think as Marriage is a partnership and both you and your spouse has an equal stake in the marriage.

Trust- Do not lie(white lie or not) or hide the truth from your spouse. Belief me, when he finds out the truth from another party instead of yourself, the damage had been done. Slowly but surely your spouse's trust will fade away. A good friend of mine once told me that a marriage with secrets is a marriage doomed to failure. Lets not give any reason to doubt each other.

Fun- Marriage is all about having fun else why even bother getting married? I had seen so many couples after their 5th year of marriage start feeling draggy, bored and that is a contributing factor to the dreaded D word. (Divorce). There is nothing wrong with having a convivial atmosphere. You heard the famous saying- A couple who plays together, stays together. My husband and I have been married for fourteen years now and we still have fun. We love watching movies together and dining in any restaurant at least once a week. Start having FUN now.

3 Keys to a Happy Marriage

2008-05-15T21:15:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my earlier post, my husband and I conduct private sessions for married couples encountering matrimonial issues. We really learned a lot from these sessions and thankfully,we can safely vaunt our achievements as many marriages are saved.

There are 3 keys to a successful marriage and I coined them as the 3 Cs.

Communication- I cannot stress enough on the importance of communicating to one another.
I have seen couples who have absolutely nothing to say to each other besides the usual greetings and good nights. A conversation in marriage is important because it gives both of you connection. It also gives a better comprehension of one another. If there are problems arising, it will give you the early stage to discuss and explore solutions.

Commitment- Do take note that in Marriage, commitment goes far beyond the initial vow,(which I am hoping you still remember) it translates dedication into action.

My husband and I almost have our once a week night out, either to the Movies or have the home to ourselves by renting a movie and indulging in a romantic candle light dinner.

Get started in reestablishing commitment in your marriage today

Companionship- Start becoming companions with each other and stop the BLAMING.
Just as how white wine is the usual companion of fish, be there for each other.

The bonus key I would like to add is both of you must have this feeling for each other

LOVE

My Recommended Materials

2008-05-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

It is always good to read GOOD materials on marriage.

As an advise, please read books on success stories or real life marriage couples problem solving

(1) I would recommend "1000 Questions For Couples" (Click on the link)
All of these questions will help you to really know the thoughts, feelings and desires of the one you are with. After going through these questions, you will really know the things your sweetheart is passionate about. You will know how you can give them much joy and happiness. You will also discover what irritates them and makes them blue.

(2) I read Amy Waterman's Save My Marriage course to see if we can use her materials for our private counselling session and her E-course is effective. She talks about 'The 6 most common reasons for divorce and how to stop them from happening to you. ( Great materials I have to say) You can get the E-course HERE

(3) Break Free From The Affair Strategies And Resources To Break Free From The Affair In A Marriage and how to cope with spouses having external affairs (Affairs still a no. 1 contributing factor for most divorce cases. Really sad) Get the book here